My Shadow

Written By Shilpa Nadkarni

I started walking on my journey and in a short while I entered a tunnel. It was pitch dark inside, but I was managing my way somehow. While I was walking, I heard a voice ‘Can I join you?’ someone asked. I was not sure who the person was and why the person was asking me, I did not reply. Before I could say something, the person again asked me – ‘Can I join you?’; the voice was too soft but still difficult to ignore, without giving any further thought to it; I nodded indicating ‘Yes’.  

All the way, I was busy thinking when will I see the other end of the tunnel, when will I see that ray of light beaming into the tunnel straight and sharp. I felt the tunnel was too long and never ending. I also started feeling the presence of the person who had asked permission to join me earlier. For some reason, I was not sure why but I started liking the presence of that person though, I could not see the person at all due to the darkness. I kept walking and walking and to my surprise I could finally see the light beaming into the tunnel, I had reached very close to the other end of the tunnel. I was extremely keen to see the person for the first time, who had joined me on my journey and whom I had started liking.

For a moment, I thought, how can I like a person without knowing how that person looks (first impression), without speaking to that person much except for the initial conversation or without knowing anything about that person… There should be a reason, why I am liking that person, but then I thought -these are all mind games, you don’t find reasons to all question in life..Now, I was getting desperate to see the person because the suspense will be revealed soon….and to my surprise, the most unexpected happened, that person was my shadow…

I brought my cute little shadow home. I had never thought that a dark tunnel could give me such a beautiful gift. It is rightly said after every dark night there is a bright shiny day… Now, atleast I knew why I had started loving and liking the soft little voice that I had heard on day one, my all questions were answered about how without knowing ‘who the person was’ I fell in love with that person…. It was none other than a part of me.. My shadow.

My shadow started growing up.. though it was still tiny, not that grown up and out of nowhere the deadliest pandemic hit the world. Everyone was locked-up inside their houses, no one was allowed to step out… Adults used to step out only if necessary, kids were not allowed to step out at all.. which meant empty roads, no social gatherings, no outing, no shopping malls, no movies, no schools, nothing…Work from Home (WFH) and School from Home (SFH) started instead. I being a working women started working from home, which meant more time with my little shadow at home. I was extremely happy that I could spend some happy moments of my life’s golden era with my little one. Somewhere, I felt that the pandemic was a blessing in disguise for me.

My tiny little shadow was super duper happy that I will spend more time with her. For her it meant lots of play time, lots of fun, lots of stories and lots of joy. I was happy too.. but gradually the work load was taking a toll of me, heavy work load from office; household chores without domestic help, online schools, too much.. I felt as if no one understood me, what I’m going through and instead of my shadow throwing tantrums, I started throwing tantrums on small things, I started losing temper on silliest things. Whenever, I was in those bad moods and was going through the tough days.. my tiny little shadow used to come to me and simply hug me and say ‘You must be tired’, I did not realize that she is watching me all the time and making a note of everything.. I’m not sure whether others in the family noticed my state or not but my cute tiny little shadow was noticing everything. Everyday she started gifting me a lovely neck piece – a beautiful hug with her tiny hands, which worked wonders on me.. there were infact times when I scolded her may be for something silly she did or maybe I was throwing out my frustration on her, whatever it might be, she inturn was gifting me hugs and kisses.. One day tears rolled down my cheeks and I asked her how can you love me so much? I scold you so many times and the reply I got was you are everything for me mamma, you are my world, I love you. I felt like rethinking who’s the real mom me or my tiny cute little shadow?

I am sure you also must be having such a cute little tiny tot/shadow of your’s for whom you mean a world.

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